Help Giver or Help Seeker? Let Gratitude Fuel the Ride

I’ve always been at odds with the adage: “Good guys (and gals) always finish last.” It implies that being a team player, going the extra mile, or helping coworkers is a negative career strategy.

Often we’re warned that if we’re too generous with our time and talents at work, we’ll get taken advantage of. Well, maybe, but it’s worth the risk.

Most of us lend a hand because we:

• Can’t help ourselves; it’s how we’re wired, raised, or compelled
• Can put our knowledge and skills to good use
• Care about the person or group in need
• Enjoy collaborating, teamwork, and a new challenge

Our initial desire to help doesn’t usually consider the downside. We step up because it feels good.

The double-edged sword

Helping goes two ways: we give it one day and need it the next. We may go for long periods without needing help, but we’re pretty sure our time will come.

I’m as guilty as the next for resisting offers of help for reasons like:

• I don’t want to be a bother
• My need isn’t that important
• I think I can take care of it myself (when I really can’t)
• I’ll wait for something “really big” down the road

So I refrain from asking when I should, even when others are offering help.

At the same time, I’m eager to help someone else. I love nothing more than frantic phone calls from friends and clients who have some new craziness at work to figure out. This gives me a chance to provide help as a gift, my act of gratitude for their confidence and friendship.

Counted on or counted out

To help and be helped bind us. At work we need each other to:

• Get the work done
• Avoid being blindsided
• Build our knowledge and skills
• Create and innovate

We need coworkers we can count on and they need us too.

The other day I was thinking about the “helpers-in-waiting” in my life. These are the professionals I can call anytime with a question or a problem–special people who know who I am and care sincerely about helping me like my attorney, my accountant, my computer specialist, my personal physician, and my large and small animal veterinarians.

These aren’t people I talk to every day or month or year, but when I need them, I really do and  pronto. They don’t have to drop everything when I call, but most of the time they do. That raises my gratitude level and they know it.

A help-seeker’s gratitude expands when the help giver:

• Acknowledges the need and responds quickly
• Does a thorough job done and gives sound advice
• Is fair and trustworthy
• Communicates information and answers questions clearly
• Takes a warm, pleasant approach and even shows a sense of humor

The help-giver’s gratitude comes from the help seeker’s:

• Expressions of appreciation and thankfulness
• Respect for their time, effort, and understanding
• Pleasantness, sense of humor, and flexibility
• Reciprocated care and concern for them as people

In a business environment, no one is obligated to provide selfless help just because someone is paying for services. I know plenty of highly paid individuals who don’t provide help that generates gratitude. In too many cases, their help creates resentment.

Be kind, be helpful

In my view, the good guys and gals finish first. They attract a community of like-minded people who help because they want to, promoting a spirit of gratitude that is contagious.

Each day we need to reach out to others while expressing thanks to those helping us, in even the smallest ways. Recognize helpfulness in an email, a voice mail, a word in passing, a greeting card, an invitation to lunch, a “how are you doing” inquiry, or an offer of support. Gratitude costs nothing and makes a big difference.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and other post posts here. Believe me, I am enormously grateful for your interest, your comments, and your support.

Photo from smiles 7 via Flickr

The Impersonal Workplace Is About You | Making It Different

It’s no secret: The business world can be cold. The greater the competition, the higher the stress, and the tighter the budgets, the more we feel it. Job demands expand, the pace increases, and the time for building relationships shrinks. At least, that’s how it seems.

How much do you care?  

High workloads get us to hunker down, tune out distractions, and grind out our work. The job gets to be all about us when the pressure’s on. We tend to block out our coworkers, customers, and sometimes even the boss when the heat’s on.

Work can either separate us or bring us together. It’s our choice.

A lot of negative things can happen when we let the work consume us. We often:

• Find fault with coworkers and criticize their contributions
• Dismiss questions and keep people at arm’s length
• Become impatient with indecision by the boss, coworkers, and customers
• Treat complaints as interruptions rather than insights
• Act rudely or miss opportunities to provide great service
• Neglect the needs of others who rely on us 

There are plenty of companies with policies and practices that don’t make their employees feel valued. But that isn’t the majority.

We’re the ones who humanize our workplace. The way we treat the people in our paths every day creates the work environment.

I know that you’ve met people at work who always:

• Have a smile
• Find something upbeat to say
• Perform an unexpected act of kindness
• Pitch in when you’re struggling
• Laugh at their own mistakes 

They act this way with everyone. You and I can and should do this too. Think of the difference that we’d make. Then imagine how it would be if everyone around us did that too!

So, what about our coworkers? 

Most everyone we work with lives a life with burdens. Few of us are immune. Some bear heavier challenges than we do; some less. Some carry their burdens more easily than others. But all of us, at some time, need a lift!

That means we are never without an opportunity to lighten someone’s load. I don’t mean engaging in protracted conversations or becoming a confidant. That’s not appropriate at work.

Instead, it’s about taking a moment to acknowledge a need or to express support. Most of the time, all we need is to be noticed, valued, and validated. It’s simply about kindness!

A lot of good feeling came my way when I:

• Engaged in grateful conversation with a new customer who, I learned, had just returned from Ground Zero a month after 9/11 where he’d volunteered his time as a forensic dentist identifying victims 
• Took a little time to talk to a disheveled customer whom others shunned because of his appearance and awkward manner 
• Praised the work of my support staff, encouraging their interest in learning new skills and helping them feel positive about themselves 
• Showed patience with employees when things went awry, said funny things to break tension, always looked for the upside, and helped keep things in perspective 

These actions don’t compromise productivity, even when it’s crunch time. They are simply small gestures of humanity and kindness that ultimately energize people, creating a climate conducive to getting more work done right.

The concept of “paying it forward” applies to the way we treat others. We need to remember how it felt when someone was kind to us and give that gift to someone else. 

We make the difference! 

Leading by example includes the way we interact with the people around us.  Anyone of us can brighten a dark climate at work. We just have to want to. No one can stop us from being kind, warm, optimistic, and caring. Our business fitness reflects our ability to bring a genuine regard for others to the workplace. Spreading a spirit of kindness creates a powerful legacy! Please let that be yours.

Do you have a story where an act of kindness at work made a difference? What more can we do to humanize the workplace? Thanks.