Ever been to a high school reunion? Some former classmates look the same. Some you only “recognize” if they have a name tag. 
It’s not how people look that flips our memory switch. It’s their names that get us to remember how each person has been preserved in our minds:
- How they treated us (and we them)
- How smart and/or accomplished they seemed to be
- How they behaved alone, in groups, and with those they dated
- If we trusted them, could confide in them, or could rely on them
What we remember is how they branded themselves. The same is true for us.
Behavior traits stick.
It’s tempting to blow off our high school image as not the real us. After all we were young, developing, and learning how to be grown-ups.
It’s usually not what we did but the perceptions about “why” that stick for a long time. People remember.
Every person who’s crossed our path is in our network. Right now, we either are or aren’t tapping those relationships.
Your network grows every day through your interactions at work, in the community, among family, and on-line. Every impression you make sticks.
When your name is mentioned and someone recognizes it, s/he has an impression or perception to share. That’s often how conversations start. Each mention, just like the @ on Twitter, reinforces perceptions.
Everyone is a link to someone else. The degrees of separation keep shrinking. Just spend an hour exploring Linkedin and you’ll see the power of that.
The multiplier effect of impressions is staggering. So if we want to succeed, we need to be mindful of how our behavior is perceived.
Choosing to be friend or foe
We work in competitive environments. Our companies compete to be profitable. We compete to be recognized, rewarded, and/or advanced in our careers.
Everyone we work with is competing too. Often we’re competing for the same things:
- The boss’s attention or approval
- A promotion
- A big raise
- Recognition or an award
We might compete in a way that:
- Overshadows others, diminishes their efforts, and/or undercuts them
- Engages others, showcases their efforts, or recognizes them
- Presents an optimistic, can-do attitude or a self-important, hard-nosed one
- Bullies our coworkers or motivates their enthusiasm to get work done
- Panders to the boss or showcases our principles
The way we compete brands us: Everyone watches.
You at work is like you back in high school only older and wiser, hopefully. Everybody you work with remembers what you’ve done in their world and passes their perceptions along. Were you someone whom they trusted or someone they doubted?
Networking is about your network.
Like it or not we are brands. Everyone is labeling us, including ourselves.
People who tell me they hate networking often presume it means connecting with new people and then developing some kind of tit-for-tat benefit.
New people are valuable, but there are hundreds of people who already know you that you should be (re)connecting with to enrich your career. The question is: Why have you let those relationships wane and what’s keeping you from rekindling them?
Is it because you’re unsure about how they see you and have let so much time go by? Remember: that answer goes both ways.
Take stock.
Periodic self-assessment is smart personal and professional planning. We learn by seeing ourselves through the eyes of our colleagues. If you have a chance to take a 360 degree assessment, that would be a great start.
Otherwise, ask your coworkers their perceptions of you. Okay, that can feel uncomfortable for you and them, but you need to know. If you were a box of cereal, you’d want to know if your customers thought you tasted good enough to keep buying.
Remember: Everyone you work with is in your network in some way forever. It’s good form to treat them well. Be nice.
Photo from CapitalK buy design via Flickr
Powerful stuff…not only is everyone you work with in your network forever, but just about everyone you meet. Have you ever noticed how you meet someone for the first time, maybe at a networking event, maybe someplace else–and then you run into them several times after that? It happens to me all the time; and you can bet that first impression is an important one. I love to go back to the old saying “Don’t burn your bridges behind you”. Always leave people on good terms–you never know when you will meet them again; and yes, that includes your high school classmates and teachers too! ~Pam
Absolutely! Just as you say, “…just about everyone you meet” is in your network. You make a priceless observation about making a casual connection and then running into that person several tmes soon after, including through social media. So much of networking is keeping people in our line of sight.
You make a great point to remind us about that old “don’t burn bridges” adage and making a good first impression. We aren’t able to store all the details about our interactions, but those impressions are what we burn into someone’s memory. Hummm….I think there’s a special message here about your “schoolmates and teachers” comment. I shall ponder that! Thanks, Pam, for these wonderful thoughts! ~Dawn
Dawn,
I stumbled upon your site through Brazen Careerist. I like your post. Sometimes we unknowingly give off a brand we don’t intend to. I have benefited in getting ‘me’ right by asking a close colleague what is the impression I’m giving off. Sometimes it is hard to hear the truth. However the benefits out weight the loss of pride.
Christopher,
Well, I couldn’t be happier that you stumpled upon my post at Brazen Careerist. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment here.
You really hit the nail on the head with your point that “we unknowingly give off a brand we don’t intend to” sometimes. So often, we unwittingly find that out later rather than sooner and feel bad about it. Seeing ourselves through other’s eyes takes effort and, like you said, truthful feedback. Athletes get that from coaches and even seek it because they see the value. I wish we did more of that in the office. It would help a lot of careers and ensure lots more success. I hope to hear from you again. ~Dawn
So true, Dawn, so true – we are our brand. Although I think perceptions of people can change, once you’ve been stepped on or negatively impacted by a co-worker it leaves a lasting impression that is difficult to improve.
Thanks for the reminder. Cherry
Thanks, Cherry. I too agree that we can change perceptions about ourselves and form new ones about others. It often takes a real commitment to do that and plenty of hurdles. You know what they say about overcoming negative feedback, “It takes 10 atta girls/boys to over come 1 aw s**t.” I think that applies to perceptions too. Great to hear from you! ~Dawn
Big sigh… Well, crud. Now I have to start showering on the weekends.
Just teasing – kind of. I always think my work life and my personal life are separate, but it’s just not true. The people I meet or run into at Target are in my network just as are the people in the meeting yesterday.
The same goes with the parents at the soccer field. My husband has gotten business from other parents and we’ve given some to them too. My introverted self rebels at the idea of always needing to be “on”. I don’t like it, don’t want to do it, and understand it’s necessary….
No need to shower if your network members don’t
! Your comment made me laugh. Thanks…I needed that!
Pam Burzynski, who often comments here, once told me that she read in a blog or a book somewhere that sometimes it’s the “loose” connections that end up being better than the “close” connections. I think that says a lot about our formal and informal networks. Just like you said, it can often be that parent at soccer practice or person in the grocery line who ends up being an important connection.
I know how it is to want to just feel free of it all. I guess that happens when we decide to go underground, figuratively of course! I really don’t think we need to always be “on.” Simply kind will do just fine! Love hearing from you, Daria. Your spirit always comes through! ~Dawn
Wow loved this post….got me thinking alot abt being online and offline and how ppl perceive me…..I had a hard time saying that! It’s scary to think of ppl branding you every day…powerful thoughts! thanks, Kathy
Thanks, Kathy. Glad you liked the post. You’re right it is scary, especially today when it’s easy for others to make their view of our brands expansive through social media. It’s tempting to put our heads in the sand but a lot smarter to keep our eyes up and out! Great to hear from you!