“Supervising would be easy if there were no employees.” Well, at least, that’s the old joke! Most employees come to work ready and willing. Unfortunately, a few others come with negative baggage rooted in authority-figure, entitlement, or attention issues. Now the supervisor has his/her hands full.
Keep a watchful eye and well-tuned ear 
The worst thing a supervisor can do is miss the clues or dismiss negative actions. Bad behavior often starts small. You may just chalk it up to the employee “having a bad day.” But if you don’t intervene, it will likely escalate until you have a real mess on your hands.
No one likes to confront bad behavior, but if you don’t it’ll erode your credibility and the respect of your other employees. Failure to confront emboldens bad actors. It tells them that you’re weak, afraid, impotent, or stupid.
Anyone behaving badly at work has successfully behaved badly elsewhere. That mean’s they’ve had plenty of practice, know how and when to act out “safely,” and look forward to the rewards that go with it.
Those “rewards” may not be what you think. There can be great satisfaction in just watching you squirm, undermining you with other employees, getting a lighter workload, or the chance for a juicy lawsuit.
This is a kind of supervisor bullying! You have to disarm it fast!
Don’t wait. Act!
Consider the upside: When you intervene with a bad actor, you give that employee a chance to save his/her career, not a bad legacy for a supervisor!
Bad behavior often starts with being rude or dismissive like:
- Ignoring you or conveniently “forgetting what you said”
- Failing to acknowledge a greeting or positive gesture
- Taking their time responding to your voice or e-mail
- Disregarding an assignment or disputing its due date
- Being late or not showing up for meetings and/or appointments
These behaviors can be subtle and deceptive. There will be excuses, justifications, and debate about your interpretation of their actions. No matter.
Confront them privately and immediately. You are expected to uphold company performance standards and that includes appropriate employee behaviors. Letting “little” things go will turn into bigger things.
Difficult behavior, on the other hand, disrupts the way your team operates. It may include:
- Arguing with you or disputing work assignments and processes
- Constantly questioning your decisions
- Interfering with the work of others and stirring up negativity
- Unwillingness to work with others and complaining about coworkers
You can protect yourself and, oddly enough, these employees, by having clear performance goals and behavioral standards in writing that you review with them formally and then informally when there are rough patches.
Explain to them that their disruptive behavior can cost them a poor appraisal, their raise, and potentially their job. Don’t accept any arguments. Follow through on what you say, no matter how unpleasant they get. If they quit or try to sue you, oh well! That’s why you have HR and legal resources. Don’t let your employees hold you hostage!
Insubordination—the last straw!
The crowning glory for bad actors is getting away with blatant insubordination toward you, their supervisor, by:
- Refusing to follow a direct work assignment/order
- Calling you a name in front of other employees
- Calling you a name privately, but afterward bragging about it to other employees
A lot of opportunities to address bad behavior have been missed by the time things get this far. Here is where termination or legal action is the next step, one that’s a lot more stressful and time-consuming for you than helping the employee to adopt the right behaviors early on.
Keeping ourselves in check!
Our employees know how to push our buttons. However, our job is to listen and understand what’s motivating unwanted behavior and take action to defuse it constructively. It’s not for us to own the employee’s reasons for their actions but to help them change. Our business fitness is the well we go to during tough times. It’s how we sustain the courage to lead. Please do!
Have you witnessed an employee behaving badly? How did things turn out? Your insights will make a difference.
I agree, when it comes to bad behavior,as my mom would have said, you need to nip it in the bud.
However, in the last 5 yrs. or so I have seen more people, including supervisors and managers, coming late to meetings because they’ve been scheduled (and not by them) back to back. Email has become overwhelming. More and more is expected of all and it becomes harder to keep up.
Now that’s a smart “mom” for you! I agree about the plethora of meetings and appointments that can over lap. In those situations when we may be late or even miss them, we need to addressed the situation by respectful communication in advance or afterward. It’s when employees ignore the situation or demonstrate dismissive attitudes that communicate disdain that mark a problem behavior. Thanks for your comment. ~Dawn
What do you suggest when there is a “man in the middle” situation? My manager has not backed me up with two insubordinate assistants. I am working 10-12 hour days, and they are leaving promptly at 4PM. One is working on projects for the manager; he was on an “improvement plan”, and has not improved the quality of his work for me. The manager says that his work is up to par. The other wanders away for 45 minutes to speak to colleagues to ask questions that maybe require 5 -10 minutes of discussion, including pleasantries.
Time for me to find a new position with a manager that backs me up?
Barbara, this is a very complex situation with, I suspect, more than it’s share of history among all the players. Generally speaking, you need to document the performance of your employees, the conversations with your manager, any interventions you’ve tried to implement, and the specific impacts these employees are having on the productivity of the workgoup. All of these actions protect you from being seen as not intervening and performing your supervisory duties. Your last line is all that you can control. When a situation is beyond our ability to correct, then it is time to move on. All the best, ~Dawn
On this matter, I am on the recieving end. It seems that my manager is charging me with insubordination for failing to come up to a meeting.
I didn’t told him in advance that I will be away on a given day for first half but the meeting was not set in advance either. He told me via email at 9:30am , after I informed him that I will be away, that I should meet before noon. The commuting itself will take around 1 hour. I did managed to reach my workplace 18min past noon (I really tried to get earlier). My absense affected my department badly, as my manager has to go to another important meeting with Senior mgmt totally unprepared.
Now, I am trying to setup follow up meeting to reconciliate and work on how can this situation be avoided. I am willing to take responsibility of my action.
But he is refusing to see me even and not respond to emails/meeting invites.
What could I do in this scenario?
Thanks for sharing your situation. I would need to much more to answer your question. When a situation gets to this point, there is very likely more too it than the circumstances of this one event. If your boss is refusing to see you, it’s important for you to know why and then find a way to bring that about. You might want to ask someone in your HR department to help bring a meeting to pass. Good luck with your next steps. ~Dawn
If one boss behaved roughly to his subordinates repeatedly what should employee’s do?
Shahana, if treatment by the boss is repeated and serves to intimidate, harass, or create a hostile work environment, it should first be discussed face-to-face with the boss. This way you make it clear to the boss that what s/he is doing is problematic. If the behavior is denied or persists, you would go to HR or a superior. The issue is what does “rough” mean and then what impact is it having. Hope this helps.
I disagree here. The best way to handle this is to document the observations and go directly to boss’s superior or HR. Confronting the boss will only cause more discomfort in the workplace.
Rod,
I wish I shared your optimism that going over the boss’s head to HR would fix the situation, but my experience an an employee, functional manager, and HR manager doesn’t bear that out. Too often HR won’t touch the situation and if you’re not careful everything may get turned back you. Workplaces are where grown ups meet job expectations. What would be seen as tattling establishes a position of weakness. When there’s a problem with the boss, then it comes down to talking face-to-face about the difficulties and finding a way to resolve them. Few bosses would respect an employee who didn’t have the courage to address a negative situation directly. Now if, after doing that, the problem escalates and the boss clearly refuses to validate the employee’s position, then it’s time to take it to a higher level…and that may not be HR. If that happens, the employee needs to be ready for a different kind of negative fall out, necessitating a Plan B. Thanks for your comment, Rod. It was one that I’m sure others have considered. Best,~Dawn
I own a motel and have a nest of gossiping & back-biting behavior that is causing an unhealthy atmosphere. I have addressed each issue immediately and privately in a direct no-nonsense approach and warned of consequences for future employee disruptive behavior. The problem lies in that I also have a longer-term guest staying with us who is in the middle of it all and has made friends with one of my employees. I would love to kick her meddling behind out but she is there because her husband, a lovely hard-working man and their children are exchanging rent for expensive electrical work. They are basically homeless because of her. She has been ostracized by his family and many others and he and she both have been talked to repeatedly. We’ve heard him dress her down over and over but she has an insidious manner and just begins acting badly in a different way (constantly tapping my resources by cozying up to my employee who has been warned 3x about giving her anything at all because of her
constant mooching and office interruptions). The work her husband is doing would cost us much more than we can afford and kicking them out would mean leaving the children homeless in the winter. (Believe me she is playing that card to the hilt!). We have at least 3 more months of work and I have reached my cracking point and am about to throw them out despite it all because this is a twice+ daily problem. Do you have any words of wisdom that might help me stick it out for the sake of the children? We’ve grown to love them (2 boys) and feel sorry for them because of their wretched former-heroine addicted leach of a mother and don’t want to punish them further because of her. (No, the hubby will not leave her because he can’t ever work if there is noone to watch the children). Should I fire my employee who is betraying me over and over again?
LOri, I can see that this situation has you at your wits end. It’s clearly a complicated one but there a couple of things that you can try immediately. For starters, threatening consequences to employees not complying with your direction is meaningless unless you follow through. If you have warned the most errant employee three times and made it plain that a repeat means termination, then that’s your next step. To be sure that there’s no misunderstanding about the actions you find unacceptable, document each incident for your records as well as the meetings you have with the employee that cover them. You do NOT give the employee your notes. But at the meeting you expect your employee to state that they will not repeat their behavior. You document their commitment in your notes.
You also need to reinforce with any other employees what they can and cannot do with and/or for your guest. When they don’t comply, repeat the same process I described above. Make it clear that you value their work and want them to remain as your employee, but cannot tolerate certain behaviors. You might want to hold a weekly meeting with them to discuss the challenges they are facing with your guest and together talk about acceptable ways to deal with her.
If your guest has a substance abuse problem, she knows how to get what she wants through manipulation. Often the people around her are inclined to enable rather than confront. You don’t want to turn our employees into enablers. They work for you. You run a business. That means you have business dos and don’ts that are your standards. I think it’s commendable that you care so much for those children. It’s part of what makes your course of action stressful. The fact that you need the electrical work done is another difficult factor. You need to weigh what you’re trading off to get that work done inexpensively. No one said owning a business was easy. Hope this helps. Good luck.
My situation is very complex. I am the CEO of a very small business. I have recently been told by a very scared and intimidated employee that my second in command for the past six years has been undermining my authority, bad mouthing me both inside and outside the office, and bullying the rest of the employees so that they are terrified to come to me. This very brave young woman reporting this insubordination has come to me only because she is on the verge of quitting. The sad part of this situation is that I did not have a clue that this employee (the second in command) was behaving this way until I heard it from the other employee (along with some recordings she had made to back up her claims). Now that I know this, many other behaviors and patterns over the years are now becoming clear. What I had always dismissed as “just her demeanor” because she was so technically good at her job, I now see as bullying and insubordination. My dilemma, how do I confront her without revealing the source of my information? I have more vague behavior I can confront, such as rudeness and outright contradiction with me at staff meetings, but the vast majority of her bad behavior has occurred behind my back.
Jodi, as you say,this is a very troubling situation and it needs to be dealt with pronto. What you need to do now is your own fact-finding, totally independent of what your employee has reported. All you have from her is an awakening to realities that you have missed. Now that you’re more tuned it, you need to watch and probe for evidence of undercutting from your 2nd that you personally experience/witness.
For starters you mention “rudeness and outright contradiction with me at staff meetings”, neither of which are “vague” in my view. You need to make notes about what your 2nd actually said and did and confront the situation immediately after the meeting. Follow the process I explain in this post about problem employees
Then you need to observe your 2nd interacting with others and if what you see and hear is bullying, intervene at once. I would suggest that as a company you might undertake an employee satisfaction survey of some kind where the answers are anonymous, with some specifically directed at the leadership. In all you need to gather your own data, always protecting the employee who came forward.
All this has happened on your watch, so it’s up to you to investigate and get tuned in. The employee who has let the light shine on this situation has given you a gift. Now you need to do all the heavy lifting to get at the facts that you will use to correct the situation.
Your situation is not unique. We all get duped along the way. But there’s no sugar-coating what’s next. It isn’t much fun, but in the end you will correct the problem one way or the other and earn the respect of all employees. It’s worth the effort. Good luck and thanks for asking. ~Dawn
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I work in an industrial setting where there is a clear chain of authority. At the beginning of each shift a manager assigns tasks to workers that are congruent with each workers job classification. Occasionally, when there is a shortage of employees, the manager will assign a job to someone which is outside of the workers normal job duties, but still falls within the workers job classification. This is in a union shop with bid jobs, and conflict arrises when workers are asked to perform work outside of their bid job.
Recently, I witnessed a coworker increasingly being confrontational with the manager. It started off small just as your article described and grew over the last few weeks into an insubordination disciplinary action. What happened was the manager asked my coworker to do something and the worker said it wasn’t his job. The manager asked him more than once if he was refusing to do fulfil his duties and my coworker just kept saying that it wasn’t his job to do it.
The work the manager was telling my coworker to do was within our job classification and I wanted to warn my coworker that he cannot refuse work unless it is unsafe, but I thought I better not get involved. I understand that orders must be followed and if any disagreements arise, they are to be dealt with through the grievance procedure, that is, do the work and grieve it later.
Clearly my coworker was insubordinate and I knew eventually he would be held accountable. Still though, I think the whole mess could have been avoided if the manager had nipped it in the bud earlier. I know if I was in the managers position I would never had let it get to this level.
Joe, many thanks for this beautifully stated case. You are right, the union has procedures in these situations and members are best served following them. That’s what union stewards are there for. Supervisors blanch when employee’s say, “It’s not my job,,” and too often respond viscerally rather than rationally, which means meeting with the employee to discuss things. A supervisor’s job is to, as you say,”nip issues in the bud.” I agree with your conclusion and wish that both supervisor and the employee would have shared your thought process. Hey, maybe there’s a supervisory job in your future!Thanks again, ~Dawn
Hi Dawn,
I have an employee that refuses to pull through company strategy. Once I address with him he tells me I am too corporate. He then tries to turn the coaching on me telling me it is a communication problem and that others state the same but are too scared to tell me. I have a very open communication style and know this is not the case. How do I address with him so he does not keep trying to turn everything into my problem and not his?
Hi! Kari
Thanks for sharing your situation. The good news it that your employee’s unacceptable performance around strategy is NOT your problem. However, the fact that he is allowed to make your requirements a matter of debate where you need to convince him of its validity before he follows your direction is your problem. Alas! The resolution is about your becoming very specific about what exactly are the results that you expect around “company strategy.” The words about refusing “to pull through company strategy” really don’t mean anything until they are translated into specific performance results aligned with the employee’s job requirements.
Without knowing all the dynamics of your situation, I would suggest that you meet with your employee. State specifically what concrete goals and expectations you require. Listen to his responses, validate that you have heard them, and restate what you expect him to deliver and how it will be observed/measured. He can offer his point of view but in the final analysis his performance will be rated on the basis of his delivering the outcomes you expect. If your direction is wrong in the eyes of the company, you will take the hit on that. That’s what it means to lead…being where the buck stops.
If you let you employees intimidate you, they will. I would also suggest that you meet with each of your employees quarterly to go over your expectations of them and to hear their views on the direction they are being asked to follow. If there are themes that keep coming up, you will want to rethink or readdress them. It’s great to have an open communication style because it invites input. But when being open means that employees don’t have to take direction, then you have to reestablish your role as leader.
Hope this helps, Kari. Good luck with it all.
Best, ~Dawn
These types of situations are a test of anyone’s patience and professionalism. This article is obviously written by someone with first hand knowledge. Thanks for sharing your experience and suggestions.
Many thanks for your affirmation here, Pete. It’s so much easier to just hope those behaviors will go away on their own…as you have aptly surmised, that was not my experience. Supervisors really need to toughen up without become hardened. No one said the job was supposed to be easy.
And a big “yes” to your “test of anyone’s patience and professionalism” observation!
Thanks for all the useful advice. My situation is I recently took over a small arts organisation which had poor/minimal leadership for years. I was brought in to turn the organisation around and make it a success.Generally it’s been great and I’ve made some big positive differences. But I have one member of staff who is difficult, rude to pretty much everyone, awkward in team meetings and verges on the combative and aggressive when asked to contribute to the meeting. I have tried to understand him, given him the benefit of the doubt, thinking that he is actually quite shy and hates being in team meetings. He ins’t too bad in front of me, I did have to discipline him a few months ago and I have subsequently assessed his performance as much improved. But, bottom line is I and most of my trustees are intensely unhappy with him and want to get rid of him asap. I have recently had reports from other team members that he has been abusive and rude to them. He has also failed to turn up to important meetings. My question is, can I use the reports from colleagues as evidence against him? No-one has made a formal complaint but I might be able to get one of them to do so. However, they have used words like “abusive” about their treatment at his hands and I can’t allow this to continue. Can I call him in and tell him that I am going to take him to a disciplinary meeting to discuss the reports from his fellow workers, as well as his general demeanor that I have witnessed, and also his failure to turn up to meetings?
Claire, I can see your situations isn’t pretty. It’s never easy to take over an organization that has been left to fend for itself without strong leadership. For some it becomes license to do their own thing. Your comment struck a familiar note with me as I had a client about a year ago at a university who experienced a similar employee problem. I wrote this post about how to deal with the situation: Use Snapshot Not Pot Shots to Wake Up “Problem Employees. Hopefully, the approach will help you too. Certainly, it’s one way to surface and discuss his behavior and way of speaking to others. It may take you a couple of weeks to put together a portfolio of observations, but it will be worth it. This technique also provides you with the objective data you will need if you should proceed to formal discipline or dismissal. First things first. Good luck and stay strong, ~Dawn
I have been having problems with an older hispanic male employee. I am his site lead and supervisor. Though I am about 10 years younger than he is (I’m 40) I do have a lot of management experience and have 5+ more years than he does on the job. The day he arrived at work and saw that I was his supervisor he has been rude to me and frequently challenges or ignores my directions, His emails are titled “boss” which I know is really an insult. I have asked him several times politely to inform me when he is going to be out early ..miss work etc. and yet he fails to do so. He also has done the following:
■Ignoring you or conveniently “forgetting what you said”
■ Taking their time responding to your voice or e-mail and text
■Disregarding an assignment or disputing its due date
■Being late or not showing up for meetings and/or appointments
■Arguing with you or disputing work assignments and processes
■Constantly questioning your decisions
Yesterday, he claimed he was at a funeral but he again failed to notify me in advance as I had requested. Later that day, he texted me and told me he has jury duty in a week and I sent him a text asking him to please bring a copy on monday for personnel. He has still not responded and this “jury duty” is in less than 6 days. Because several other things he has said have been lies, I suspect he is not being honest about actually having jury duty.
I have made clear performance goals and behavioral standards in writing and I have also reviewed with them with him. However, the problems continue. I do believe a lot of this behavior is due to the fact that he does not like working for a female. What should I do now?”
I would greatly appreciate any advice or assistance you can provide.
SIncerely , HH
Heather, your comment sure is a case study in the challenges of dealing with a difficult employee. Thanks for sharing the details. The best I can do here is to offer some perspectives and options for you to consider.
Since you have written and discussed your expectations with him and clearly stated what is unacceptable, the fact that he continues the same behavior indicates that there have been no consequences to him. If in fact his behavior is an intent to challenge and/or resist your positional authority, it will continue until there is no reward in it for him or the alternative is so unwanted that it will stop. He may have a sense that you are somehow “afraid” to deal directly with him or don’t really mean what you say about his actions. If your feedback is too general, he may not be connecting the dots between what you observed him doing versus what he thinks he was doing. In either case, there seems to be a need for more thorough, specific, situational, and regular discussion about his behavior and firm timetables and indicators from him that it is changing.
I hope you have documented all of your discussions with him, including dates, times, and commitments. His performance appraisal should cover those behaviors that are not acceptable.
I might add that there are indications here that your employee has 1.) broken company rules (the need to notify in advance) and 2.) exhibited unacceptable behavior. The broken rules are the easiest to address with consequences.
It seems that since there’s a history here with your employee, you need to discuss things with your boss and get his/her involvement/support and also your human resources person if you have one. The reality here is that if you don’t take decisive action that registers with your employee, his behavior will not correct itself,; in fact, it will likely escalate.
I hope this helps, Heather. Good luck. ~Dawn
I was recently asked to attend a disciplinary meeting at the nursing home I work at. The allegations I am facing are being “directly insubordinate” and “breaching health and safety”. This is due to the fact that I forgot that I had health and safety, mandatory, training session on a particular day and so didn’t got. As soon as I realised this I went to HR very apologetic and they said that they would be able to have me booked onto one of the up and coming sessions. (Each session could only accommodate a limited number of staff). MY questions is: Can forgetting to do something amount to insubordination?
The matron that conducted the disciplinary was also very rude (or so I felt) telling me I come across as arrogant and then compared my way of thinking to her 5 year old. Should I take this up with more senior staff or would this just make matters worse?
Thank you!
Luke, this is a question that I can’t answer without knowing your history as an employee with your organization and your relationship with your boss. It would be unusual if a single incident would contribute to this kind of conclusion. So you want to be objective and revisit all of your actions, performance results, and interchanges that have taken place over the last year. Then I’d suggest that you request a meeting with your boss and HR to go over your work history in the context of this situation. My guess is that there is more going on there than may be obvious to you. It’s always best to be willing to see things through the eyes of others and then help them to see things through yours. At the every least everyone will learn something, but that doesn’t mean that the consequences or climate will change. Good luck and thanks for asking. ~Dawn
I have an employee acting out. Previous management did nothing to control the situation and I have taken the manager position now. One morning I gave her a task via email and she stood in my office doorway afterward loudly fussing and saying how she was not going to do it and it wasn’t fair. I did not back down, told her I needed her to do it and I understood some of her unrelated frustrations that she was bringing up, but never gave in. Finally she said again that it wasn’t fair and stormed off. A few people heard and I think it was good for them to hear that I didn’t back down nor did she get her way as she has gotten out of tasks by acting like that in the past. She later apologized to me privately at which time I told her not to do that in the future. I feel like if you show backbone and give a warning at the appropriate time you might be able to prevent recurrence. Don’t be bullied or none of them will respect you.
Justme, many thanks for sharing your experience. I agree that it is important to listen to employee objections, to reaffirm what is expected, and to gain affirmation that direction is understood. The key is to be sure that the employee understands the logic even though they do not have to agree with it. It’s also key for managers to understand an employee’s reason for objecting because there may be another useful perspective to consider.
In these cases, I believe the meetings should be private. Any time others overhear what takes place, there is a chance that the grapevine will distort one side or the other or even fuel unexpected issues. I agree that managers need to be consistent and not bend to employee upward “bullying” but at the same time it’s not about being immovable. That’s why private discussions are preferable.
In your situation, the fact that your employee apologized and you affirmed your expectations was a good outcome. Hopefully, that will be the end of it and both you and she will not go back there in the future. Many thanks for your helpful comment. ~Dawn
I recently took a job as the manager of a small company at its infancy. This is my first time working as an office manager and managing more then one other employee. We have been open for less the 6 months. About 2 weeks ago we hire someone for our medical billing. She had just recently graduated from a certificate program for medical billing therefore is at an entry level. I can tell she is eager to learn and is capable of doing the work. The problem is that she is very rude. She interviewed rudely and speaks rudely on a regular basis. I don’t feel she is being rude intentionally, I just think this is part of her character. I saw this during the interview, however, my boss; the owner of the company saw great potential in her and wanted to hire her. Now that he is seeing or experiencing the behavior, me being her immediate supervisor, I am the individual that is in the awkward position to have to deal with it.
For example:
The company owner calls her by her name to get her attention and she replies “WHAT!” or even worse, she replies “QUE!” which is Spanish for “WHAT!” FYI, the company owner is not Spanish.
Just yesterday I called a meeting which should have taken place at 9:00am but was held up because she showed up to work at 9:16am. I addressed the likenesses and explained to my staff that the policy states that employees must call 15 minutes to your scheduled shift to report that they are going to be late. Today, she showed up at 9:06am and didn’t call. I know it’s just 6 minutes, I just feel it is the principle of it.
How should I handle it?
Lena, thanks for being so candid about this situation. This may sound harsh but unless you have a lot of extra time on your hands to coach this new employee daily on her interpersonal style and communication, I believe you are better off letting her go. She is clearly in her probationary period and if you are a small company, I suspect that you can let her go without cause anyway.
The red flag of rudeness was there from the start and it should give you confidence that you saw it and how it could be a problem even when the owner did not. Not only does she have a behavioral issue but she has also violated the company lateness policy–twice. You know what they say about 3 strikes!
In my view you are better off starting over with the hiring process. It may seem like a pain to do that but it will be less of a pain, less costly, and less problematic than retaining what appears to be an employee how is not the right fit and whose only potential is that she will be a bigger problem down the road. All the best, ~Dawn
Dear Dawn
I have worked in a very large company for 7months as a showroom manager to 3 people, in LOndon. The company is US based so we are kind of on our own here. The staff were without manager for a long time as they could not find the right person. I went through 5 interviews incl 6h of psychology tests and caliper tests. My staff were very resistant and challenging to change, they have very strong personalities. 3months ago we hired a admin girl, her probation end now. She seems to have a negative reaction towards me talking back and rolling her eyes, a lot of attitude questioning everything I do or say. I made her aware of it and gave her a verbal warning, I also called HR in US asking how to deal with her. He was not very supportive and did not provide any procedures or regulations. I would send regular updates to my line manager about insubordination and challenging behaviour. However following my lack of success with the HR manager I felt unsure and did not want to complain. I was told I had to be self sufficient and I was in regards to operational or any other issues.
I have no experience on procedures HR rules as I only managed small companies previously successfully. So in all fairness I failed to act in time along the lines of the correct HR path.
I approached my staff on this and it worked for a while but it kept coming back. I have not acted authoritative enough as I felt I had no support and I was scared I’ll make the wrong move.
The new girl filled in a complaint of bullying 2 weeks before her end of probation review where I intended to take this on with my supervisors. She is smarter than me and beat me to it in this regard. The bullying is nonsense I can assure you however now I am being questioned and my supervisors are not getting involved at this point. The commission is not looking at the big picture just takes her word against mine. I worked very hard on this and I love my job.
I would very much appreciate your advice.
Thank you
Ligia
Ligia, thanks for your comment. For some reason I thought I had responded to it earlier but I don’t see anything here, so I’ll try again.
Clearly, this is a very difficult situation and one you were not prepared for…who ever is? First, don’t be so hard on yourself. Dealing with difficult employees is the most difficult job of any supervisor. Sadly, there is no hard and fast recipe for fixing these situations. It’s not that your employee is “smarter” than you, but it is very likely she’s much more experienced getting what she wants with this behavior. My guess is you are not the first supervisor she has done this to and it’s likely that the others found themselves in the same quandary you’re in.
You can’t undo what has already taken place, but you can start capturing the specifics that make your case. You might want to read my post here about Taking Snapshots Not Potshots at employees (just search for the title) as it spells out the snap-shotting technique that you need to use. You need to have specific documented dates and situations where your employee was insubordinate and/or rude and specific details (not emotional responses) that describe what she did and said. Once you have a representative sample of her actions, you will need to discuss each with her face-to-face and get a commitment from her to change. If she fails to comply (you’ll need to document her follow up behavior), then you need to discuss her situation with your boss and/or HR. If she beats you to HR, then you will attend future HR meetings with you own documentation.
None of this is fun and it is time consuming, but the potential for success is significant, not just for you dealing with that employee, but with the way all your other employees will react to you when a final resolution takes place. None of what you do in gathering these observations should be discussed or revealed in any way with your employees. All they should see is the ultimate change. I hope this helps, Dawn.
Where to start….as an employee who would never take on a managerial position, I also have had countless clueless power-hungry bosses. These are the types that just want the power and/or money that comes with being “the boss.” But lets assume the BEST case scenario. Lets assume there is a boss who is very intelligent, ambitious, good at their job, etc. But this person is still a, well, person. They might go about doing one particular aspect of their job incorrectly or not be aware of a certain situation and make a bad decision as a result. This “us versus them” mentality in the workplace is bad for business, period, whether you are looking at it from the perspective of “my boss is harassing me” or from the perspective of “my employee is being insubordinate.” When employees are afraid to voice their opinions, to offer alternative ways or solutions to problems, or voice their knowledge of something being incorrect because the boss is always right, forget about how the boss feels, the company suffers. The company suffers because all of those little smart people who work under that boss? They have to just follow orders. All of their insights, life experiences, work experience….well if it goes against what the boss believes, suddenly you should be fired. Companies in the US run like dictatorships when we should realize WE ALL HAVE THE SAME GOAL. A TRULY good boss would be someone who encourages feedback, questions, asks for suggestions, isnt terrified to death of people thinking they dont know everything, whos ego isnt so fragile they have to be treated with kid gloves. Those kind of bosses create havoc and ruin productivity. They get little circles of hanger ons who lie to make the boss think they like/respect/agree with him or her, and play the game, and the people who actually are honest people with integrity get walked on, ganged up on, or worse. And for what? So the “boss” gets to feel good. And the “bosses” pets get to feel vicariously that they have power over the other “less desirables.” And Ive seen this situation time and time again and its like living in a 3rd world country in the day and then coming home to another planet at night.
We have to start thinking of bosses and employees as teams that work together toward a common goal, with the bosses role as being a facilitator to that end. PERIOD. Screw all this other BS its a waste of time and a lie.
Well, Jane, this is quite a diatribe. Sometimes it can make us feel unburdened to vent. I often think that’s why we have curse words. (For sure I’ve used a few in the course of my career.) I definitely empathize with your frustrations as I have experienced most of what you write here. I would just offer this: The more you let yourself be consumed by these perceptions the more negative toll they will take on you personally and professionally. Yes, there are some very ineffective (even bad) managers and leaders out there…and the same for employees too. People are rarely as good or bad as they seem, so if we see extremes, it helps for us to recalibrate our perceptions by stepping back a bit. In many work situations our challenge is to figure out how best to adapt so we can do good work and then go home. When workplace conditions exceed our tolerance levels, we have the option to leave. The choice is always ours about what to do. We are prisoners in our jobs. We may need them to pay the bills but we are not prisoners, so we can always walk away. So I wish for you some relief from these concerns and the ability to find that relief within yourself. Best, ~Dawn
I was recently hired to manage a new store entering the retail market. I was hired as well as the remaining of my management team. Unfortunately in less than 60 days I have found that the associate manager hired is toxic to my team and store. She originally interviewed for the store manager position and was not offered it. However, her and 2 other associates from a competitor was hired for other positions. So, she already has a “clique” to support her attitude. She has had an insubordinate attitude with me since we started. She complains I don’t communicate effectively and anytime I try to effectively give her direction, coaching or feedback I am condensing because she knows how to run a store and does not need assistance. Every conversation I have with her becomes very argumentative. I have documented all incidents and involved my supervisor as well. The issue now is she does her job well enough to not receive proper documentation for HR to consider termination. The issue I foresee now is often it has become my word against hers and the remaining of the team often gossips with her and praises her because she does not enforce the expectations as I do. I am there to ensure a job gets done and coach my team to effectively service. She spends her time gossiping, chit-chatting and bonding over personal matters. This has become very unprofessional and I no longer know how to effectively manage someone so rude and difficult. Your first initial post gave me insight into her distraction behaviors and how to handle certain situations my question would be how to effectively set those standards and expectations when the associate won’t accept them.
Stacey,
I don’t envy you the situation you are in, however, I’ve faced similar ones. Although it isn’t possible for me to offer a complete strategy here to help you, I’ll offer some suggestions.
You’re most telling line is this one: “She spends her time gossiping, chit-chatting and bonding over personal matters.” This is the behavior that can/does/will negatively affect her performance and the performance of others at varying levels in the store. I have a post here called “Take Snapshots Not Potshots At Your Employees” that provides a detailed method for isolating and confronting this kind of behavior. You can search for it in the search box.
Suffice it to say, that you need to document the “gossiping” etc. behavior, when it takes place, who it involves, and how it negatively affects the team, performance effectiveness, store climate etc. You will need to talk face-to-face with your employee about her behavior, including specifics about what needs to change and by when. If you are her boss, it doesn’t matter whether she thinks she knows best how to run a store. She reports to you and is expected to meet your expectations. You don’t need to justify yourself on that score.
Then you need to make sure that HR understands the situation and its implications. You may have to be very smart about the way to navigate the politics of the situation around you but if you let this go it will just get worse.
I hope this helps, Stacey. I wish you all the best, ~Dawn
I started this position ealrier this year with a very small organization with national exposure, and was very happy with my new duties. I “acquired” an assistant from another manager in the office. At the time, she was just ending a two month probation period for negative bahavior. All seemed to be going well until a few months ago, and I noticed her work was falling off, she was calling in or coming late on a frequent basis. I discussed the issues with her and received nothing but excuses.
I discussed the problem with the HR rep in the office and found that she has demonstrated the same behavior with 2 other managers in the office and they both requested she be moved to another area….my area. Lately, she has been insubordinate, which I cannot tolerate. I again discussed the expectations and she persisted. I reported the incident to my manager and the HR rep. My choice was to have her terminated, as she has done this to others in the past. HR is dead set on giving her a “chance” as they do not want to have to train another person.
At this point, I feel my authority has been undermined and this person will continue to act out as she has seen that she can get away with it. Although I enjoy my job and the company, I feel this this type of enabling behavior is destructive to the organization and something I cannot tolerate. I have seriously consideed moving on based on this issue.
Stefanee, I agree that this isn’t pretty. The hard fact is that HR doesn’t have to deal with her everyday…you do. The fact that HR may not want to train another person is no reason for you to swallow the negativity that comes with this employee. The longer you retain her in your group, under the conditions you describe, the more that employee will undermine you, reduce your esteem in the eyes of your other employees/peers, and affect the ability of your function to produce quality work. That means there are considerable stakes for you to pursue around documenting the employee’s behavior and how it specifically affects productivity, including how it affects the overall performance of the company. Please read my post here on Taking Snapshot Not Pot Shots on Your Employees for a technique for documenting undesirable behaviors and giving direct feedback to the employee. Then keep a detailed chronology of how that employee is/is not meeting commitments made to you until you either turn her around or have a strong enough case to terminate. Hope this is helpful. Remember, this situation is also about your work life satisfaction and it will test the degree to which you are will be stand fast for that. Good luck, ~Dawn
I am a housemanager of a sorority. I have one cook and a maid as employees. The cook refuses to cooperate on occasion and “talks back ” to me about suggestions or requests I make. On more than one occasion he has lost his temper and gotten angry The first time he said” why don’t you just take this and cook it yourself then>” The other day he said he did not have a bad attitude and I did not know what a bad attitude looked like but he could show me. I have asked him to be more respectful and cooperate. He refuses.
He appears unwilling to change his cooking by not following direct requests. and ignoring my requests.
I want to write him up and do not know exactly what to say. I would actaully like to terminate him now. Suggestions?
Kathy, I suspect there’s more going on here than meets the eye. His behavior raises questions about whether or not he actually regards you as his supervisor, understands that he is accountable to you, and realizes that there are consequences to not meeting expectation. It also raises questions about your leadership and communications style/experience and the circumstances under which you engage with him. I believe it would be best for you to meet with a sorority adviser and/or an HR professional from your, I assume, college. This is the time to get some mentoring from people who have experience and know/appreciate the situation you’re in on every level. Thanks so much for sharing your situation. I hope this helps. ~Dawn
I run a small business and one of my employees is beginning to get out of hand with her actions and her comments. She comes in late, everyday. Also she complains constantly about the tasks we ask her to do, and she argues and talks back when assigned some tasks. We have given her a verbal warning over her tardiness- but I don’t know how to address the other issues. We feel that she is pushing her work to other employees and bringing the workplace down. Any advice?
Margaret, It’s great that you’ve addressed her tardiness issue formally as that is very likely a violation of a company rule. When it comes to addressing inappropriate behavior, it takes a bit more effort to gather objective data, deliver it specifically to the employee, and set up clear improvement plans that the employee owns. Here is a post on a process that includes taking behavioral “snapshots” to address the problem you describe. I hope it will help you. All the best, ~Dawn
Hi. Currently I am the Security Manager who runs a Department 24/7, 365 days a year. The situation is like this:
1. On a busy weekday, at approximately noon, suddenly I received a call mentioning that one of my shift Supervisor can’t make it for that night shift duty Supervisor due to been admitted to ward because of sickness.
2. Since I am on leave and away from office out of the district, I called my day shift Supervisor at approx an hour later and to handed over his post to another person. I also informed him to goes into night shift and to report for that day night shift at 10pm (instead of normal 7pm) till 7am next day.
3. He refused and been telling me (through mobile text message) that he will not turn up for that night shift and will take a replacement day off and will only report for work in day shift 2 days later.
4. I did not approved his Replacement Day Off request BUT he insisted by messaging me “Approve or NOT approve” I will still go for my leave.
5. He did not turn up that night shift duty and still went for his replacement day off.
Question:
1. Is there any insubordination here..?
2. If yes; what are the actual right process..?
Many thanks.
Mohd,
There is certainly an issue here that needs to be discussed face to face (not via text) with your employee. You need to understand the reasons why the supervisor cannot/would not cover the night shift and then determine whether or not it’s insubordination. I noticed that you said you “informed him” rather than “asked” him to cover the shift, so you may learn something about the impact of the way things were communicated.
At this point, you need to learn more about the dynamics of the situation and the perspective of your employee. Insubordination is often an escalation of uncooperative behavior that has taken place over time. You may for may not have a behavior issue here that needs to be addressed for the future and perhaps documented.
Both you and the employee are upset about the situation, so clearing the air would probably be the best route at this point. I hope this helps. Thanks for asking. ~Dawn
I am a business office manager in a medical setting. My employees are rude and I don’t have the back up of my medical director when times are rough. I want to write a complaint to our corporate and want to go about in a secure but frank way. An example is one of my employees and myself went to an appt (approved by me the manager) and other employees question our whereabouts. My director knows but yet never backs me up like I did wrong, even though he says it was rude of them. They even checked on where I went, called my appointment…I have the authority on our schedule, vacations, appointments of my 5 employees. The day we went for an appointment I was back before another employee was to leave but she decided to leave 5 minutes earlier. I want to nip in the but but have no back up….I feel the employee (not management) checking our whereabouts was none of their business where we were. I feel this employee violated a HIPAA violation…Suggestions.
Yov,
Please forgive me for not getting back to you sooner. Yours is a challenging issue that may very well be the result of a series of perceptions by your employees about your prior appointments that were never clarified. Too often in the absence of explanations, employees fill in the blanks themselves with faulty information. There seem to be several issues here: your supervisory authority/expectations/style and your employees’ actions which appear to overstep. It’s unclear about how many employees are showing this, what appears to be, disrespect. It is also unclear what your boss’s reluctance is to get behind you.
For starters, you may want to ask for a meeting with your boss where you discuss the issue and how it is affecting the climate in your group, your ability to manage effectively, general work performance, perceptions outside the department, and reflections on the business. See what kind of insights you get there. You may want to come to that meeting with two or three approaches you are considering specific to those individuals who have been “checking” on you. That might be a one-on-one sit down with him/her to talk about the negative effects of their behavior, why it’s unacceptable, and what commitment they will make to stop it. You may have other ideas too.
This is the kind of issue that needs to be dealt with in a controlled manner, where you take the time to get to the root cause of the situation before doing something that may backfire. Good luck, Yov. I hope this helps. ~Dawn
Hi Dawn,
I’ve recently been hired as the Executive Director of Operations role for a multi-million, global organization with most of the employee’s working from a home office. A virtual organization. The CEO is a hard working gentleman who leads by example and has always made himself accessible to employees – but also someone who struggles with conflict. The organization has grown faster than the infrastructure has kept up with, and many of the employees have forged their own workflow’s and methods for managing projects and clients. My role was created to become the missing management and my job manages the sales and project management teams in 3 countries (including the US), to clean up, standardize and move us into new verticals.
I can easily step back and see the frustration from many employees from not having the support, training and guidance in the past. And many now are strongly attached to their own individual process as they feel they were forced to figure things out for themselves to make their position “work”. Some are highly opinionated and combative towards any new structure and decisions (change) and some have clearly taken advantage of the lack of management by working less than acceptable hours with more time off than documented.
The latter is much easier to deal with. But the resistance to change and the resentment of a new supervisor from employees that are in remote locations is becoming difficult to address.
One in particular is very sharp and experienced, however has some very distinct, personal attributes that makes her a nightmare to manage. Extremely verbose and combative, she tends to argue decisions and discussion points in group emails. Uses instructive statements and tone to myself and other managers in a clearly disrespectful manner. Creates “emergency situations” that pulls many others into long email threads of discussion for situations that are minor and/or not a priority that ends up a time suck. And often interferes with the work of others in the team environment to accommodate how she feels a project should be managed.
I called her for a 1:1 discussion to address. Took a calm but firm approach and she quickly became combative and aggressively talked (and talked and talked) over me. To be honest, in more than 20 years – this is the first time I’ve ever found myself in a situation with an employee that I felt I had lost absolute control in a conversation with. I’ve worked in many different cultures around the world and understand her culture can be very verbose, passionate and tends to argue points. So I understand this is part of her make up. She has a reputation for this behavior and the CEO has just left it. I understand she will always have some level of these traits but need to work with her to put more controls in place. She is one of the most experienced employees in our organization with a very specialized service and type of client. I cannot afford to let her go, at least at point in the organization restructure. But I cannot afford to let her continue.
Katherine,
Well, you sure have your hands full. Congratulations on getting this big job even though it comes with significant challenges. There’s no better way to test one’s skills and courage than a position with big responsibilities.
Resistance always comes with change. The challenge to managers is to clearly, consistently, and relentlessly reinforce the nature and rationale for those changes. When employees push back, managers need to listen, demonstrate understanding of the employee’s point, accept input that is valid for further consideration, and then to reinforce the performance behavior that is expected. Some employees like the one you describe will be overt about their resistance and others covert. The key for managers is not to soften requirements or cave into demands that aren’t warranted.
With that as the basis, you can address your difficult employee. You might want to read this post I wrote: Use Snapshot Not Potshots with Problem Employees Use Snapshots Not Potshots
For starters you can’t address all of her behavioral discourtesies. I’d suggest starting with “talking over” you and others. You need to establish with her the basic courtesy of giving you and others the time and space to express themselves without interruption or aggression. As the manager, you can reinforce that the culture you will be building is one where open and civil discussion is the order of the day…no exceptions.
Then talk to her about what you have observed/heard her do with others and in the 1:1 with you. The Potshots post walks you through the process. Tell her that this is a key performance area that you expect her to improve on and make it part of her performance goals. If you start with this one behavior change, you can develop your own approaches and then build on her progress going forward. If she refuses to make a genuine effort, you’ll have a strong basis for letting her go. Personally, I believe we can always teach work knowledge. Interpersonal and communication skills that are divisive are never worth retaining. All the best, ~Dawn
Hello dawn,
I was written up today for not taking action fast enough for my company. I manage a housekeeping department and have been there 6 months. I deal with call outs, and other issues and have worked all this week trying to lighten the load for my employees and supervisors. Last saturday I had a situation that was not handled by my supervisor while i was off. So I went in and talked to one of them alone and then the second one wrote a complaint and gave it to me. It was my intention to handle it without HR but the girl though I was avoiding it and went to HR over the incident because she saw me with the other girl that was involved in the incident and feels that I play favorites. So my boss wrote me up.I feel crushed by this and I cried in the office to my boss and HR rep. I feel like an idiot. I dont feel I have any support from my supervisors who never write anyone up and I am left holding the bag. How can i remedy this with my boss?
Hi and thanks for your comment.
It appears that the dynamics here are complicated with you, being relatively new, and the involvement of the employees, boss, and HR. I certainly don’t want to oversimplify the next steps and understand why you feel so hurt by the whole event. Everyone surely knows the affect that being written up has had on you. I suspect that the relationships around you are complex and suggest that dwelling them and their affect on you won’t fix anything.
I would suggest this: As an adult with a job to do, you want to do it well. In this situation, your boss, at the very least, would have wanted you to handle things differently. You need to know how the boss would have wanted from you. So you will likely be well served to make an appointment with your boss, now that you have your emotions in check, and ask for a lessons learned meeting to walk through what you did v. what you should have done. This will give you a step by step understanding of how your boss assessed the situation. This is not a meeting where you would defend yourself. You’re there to listen and understand what was expected. That means you need to accept what you are hearing and then ask for guidance.
Once you have done that, you might ask what you need to do in order to have the negative write up followed up by a positive one. Some companies write ups can lead to disciplinary action but over time can be removed from one’s file. You would need to know and understand what the process is where you work. You just want your boss to know that you want to do what it takes to turn this unfortunate situation around and show that in your file.
Good luck with this. I know it’s hurtful but it’s not the end of the world. There is a lot to learn here that will help you avoid problems in the future.
All the best,
Dawn
I agree with these comments. I’m dealing with one of them now. The issue arises with our HR process to administer a written warning. I have coached the employee on several occasions and engaged HR it has taken a total of two months to issue a write up.
Dan,
Well, I feel your pain on the write up delay as I have experienced the same. At one point I had an poor performer who was also abusive to administrative staff. He had been passed around to several managers before he was placed with me. I ended up having to let him go and it took two years. It was a painful experience for me on so many levels and sad for the employee too. When the separation was complete, several executives he’d worked for previously challenged me on why I took the action. After I explained, they confessed that he hadn’t performed for them either and instead of dealing with it, they passed him off. That neglect, prevented the employee from recasting his career and finding a place that was better for him. So I applaud you for taking steps to address the problem you face and encourage you to keep at it. It’s often easier to just bail out but that’s rarely the right thing to do. Thanks for much for your comment. ~Dawn
Where would you draw the line between being rude vs. standing up for yourself? Is/are there any? How would you mitigate the difference and be happy? I’d love to know. Thanks
This is a wonderful question, so thanks for offering it here. “Standing up for yourself” is important, particularly when it comes to issues of fairness and respectful treatment. The balancing act is this: We all have values that we are unwilling to compromise. Unless the way we’re treated at work is against the law, our employers are free to establish the culture and the standards that they want for their businesses. Because we come to work in exchange for a salary, we have agreed, directly or indirectly, to accept the conditions.
Our ultimate personal power is the stay or to leave. Thats puts us in the position to make or compromise our happiness at work. That said, we are also in a position to influence the attitudes and treatment of those we report to. As adults, we need to address our concerns with our supervisors, no matter what their style. Standing up for ourselves requires us to be able to clearly state what it is that we need and why it is in the mutual best interest of the organization. Our challenge is to become effective, realistic, and mature negotiators for our issues. Passive aggressiveness or flat out resistance isn’t the way to go. If we can’t make our point and influence decisions that address what we’re “standing up for” then we are working for the wrong organization.
I’ve been in this situation more than once. In one case I left and in another I was able to negotiate that change. And, yes, in both cases, I got my “happy” back.
I hope his helps. Thanks again for your great comment, ~Dawn
Another stellar response Dawn – in this case to the question of rude vis-a-vis standing up for yourself. Cherry
Thanks, Cherry. It was a great question. ~Dawn
Thank you so much for great response. Can’t stop smiling
Terrific! Smiling is always good medicine! Thanks again. ~D
Hello, I have a matter I am looking into, I was recently hired as a Director of marketing / controller of operations at a small company wearing many hats and had and issue today with my subordinate that works in marketing. Today I asked her to do a duty and she refused and told me she would speak to our CEO (owner) about “doing things her own way”. She also questioned my job duties and said she will not listen to me. This is very fustrating! I just started this job and already had to deal with a sexual harrasment case. Its very apparent to me that their are no rules established or standards here so employees dont know how to act. When talking to the owner he told me he wouldnt allow me to write her up nor would he sign a write up since she is one of his key employees even though shes only been there 3 months!! We do not have HR dept and I feel disrespected and hopeless to continue my employment here. If I decide to take legal action do I have a claim here? he completely ignored this situation and is not allowing me to perform my supervisory duties I was assigned. Also since I have given the right to terminate other employees and create HR policys can I write her up without his consent since I was given that entitilement? I would love to hear a response from you after reading all the great responses from others here.
Thanks!!
Gia
Gia,
There’s a lot going on here and your frustration about having your authority challenged is evident. One employee situation does not constitute cause to take legal action or to be looking for an opportunity to write someone up. This is a learning situation for you, a new leader at this small company, who is still establishing her value and role there. The fact that your CEO is not supporting your position in this is telling. So here’s what I’d suggest: Meet with your CEO and in an honest, controlled discussion, talk about the overall culture he wants for the company and the leadership style expected of his managers and how he would have handled the situation with your direct report. I would also suggest seeking some feedback from him about the way you’ve approached your accountabilities and how you and he can/should collaborate on work, policy, and employee issues. You will learn a lot about your boss and the company culture by doing this. Please do not argue about his approach but share your own perspective and why you do things a certain way, like creating boundaries and making assignments.
After all of this, you will be in a better position to decide whether or not this company is a place where you can be successful and comfortable. If not, then you will need to move on. Chances are that if you pick a fight(s) and create too much drama, you’ll be let go eventually. In the end, the CEO is entitled to run his company any way he wishes, whether you like it or not. So you have to find a way to fit in without compromising your values. That means figuring out how to turn employees around who are at odds with you. My guess is that your employee knows that CEO favors her, so she feels empowered. Ultimately, you need to turn her around because you can be a help to her. (It makes me wonder if she wanted your job and didn’t get it, so she’s retaliating.) I hope this is helpful, Gia. Good luck. ~Dawn
What do you do when your supervisor is insubordinate. She is very rude, has an attitude, yell at you, point her finger in your face, Her supervisor states that is is not in the policy that she can’t be rude towards workers.
Wiggles,
I believe a boss can only be insubordinate up but she certainly can demonstrate disrespectful behavior to her employees, such as you described. It sounds like you have already said something to her supervisor about the rude behavior since you mentioned the “no policy” issue. If her supervisor hasn’t intervened with that behavior or hasn’t confirmed it, then there won’t be any change on that basis.
In truth, if you consider your boss’s treatment of you to be unacceptable, then you need to meet with her privately to talk about it. You need to do this immediately after one of these events, so the situation is clear. Then you need to ask her what causes her to speak to you in that way and then explain how it affects you. You would politely request that she not “yell” or “point her finger.” But you want to be sure you understand what you are doing or saying that causes her to react to you as she does. Each time there is a repeat you should meet privately again…treating this behavioral change as a work in progress.
It isn’t clear if your supervisor only treats you this way or others too. Best, ~Dawn